Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Major Mommy Fail -- so ashamed

Why am I posting this?  I'm so ashamed and horrified.  The point of this is honesty, however, to share my experiences. I may delete, but in the interest of honesty am going to tell what happened.

In a nutshell, I forgot a feeding.

We did the morning bottle and cereal, played, and then one at a time the guys went down for a nap.  With a to-do list as long as my arm, I considered taking a nap myself.  With teething, the guys are starting to wake during the night and I am becoming progressively more tired with every passing day.  Sometimes I have trouble speaking -- sound drunk -- because I simply cannot remember the words I wish to use or the order in which they should be spoken.  I played the 'as soon as I get this task done, I'll nap' game until H woke up and it became a moot point.  This was at about eleven.

His tooth was hurting so I put Anbesol on it (useless, but I always try) and then rocked him for a while.  He dozed off and so did I.  At noon, K awoke, his movements projecting through the monitor to wake me.  I set H down and he woke, and I went and got K.  The two played for a while, but were cranky.  They were not distraught, just generally moody.  They would play in the play yard for a few minutes, then crank and I'd pick one up and that would make him happy for a few minutes and then he'd crank, so I put the dog up and let the kids loose on the floor which kept them happy for a few more minutes.  Around one I started to think about giving them their 2:30 feeding early.

That's when I realized that we had never done the 11:30 bottles. 

I ran to the kitchen and mixed up two bottles, feeding the guys a full two hours late.  We did the 2:30 meal at 3:30 and were back on track at the 6:00 bottles.

They did wind up getting all their meals for the day.  They did not starve and seem no worse for wear today.  But, how could I have done that?  That's pretty much rule #1 in the baby care rule book:  feed the babies.  I thought I was a good mom.  I give them snuggles and let them have freedom to explore.  I work with them on sitting and standing skills.  I read to them.  I watch carefully for signs of developmental delays or physical challenges which may arise from their prematurity. 

All of this is meaningless, however, if I just casually forget their basic needs.  What was I thinking?  How could that have happened?  I'm devastated.

2 comments:

  1. Oh my word, you are a wonderful mommy! Babies aren't little machines and their bodies function just fine if feedings are off by a tad... just like they survive if they sit in a wet diaper for a stretch. Forgiving little souls, they are. :) I never had to juggle twins, but my first two children were less than 11 months apart... I sometimes didn't know if I was coming or going and I have no doubt I dropped the ball a few times. But they were always loved and cherished and they are now healthy 4 and 5 year olds. Trust me- YOU feel worse than either of them ever did. Sending you encouraging hugs!

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  2. Thank you for your kind words. After a long month of the guys waking all night long, they started sleeping through the night again. Now that I am no longer living in a fog, I am in awe that I was able to function at all during the time we were all sleepless! I still feel terrible, but am not dwelling on it. I can't change what happened, I can only do the best I can from now on. Again, thanks for the kind words and hugs.

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