Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Most Hurtful thing Hubby's Ever Said

"maybe the kids would be better off in daycare"

I guess this is husband bashing week for me.

My husband is vehemently opposed to babyproofing. He says that instead of babyproofing the house we should house-proof the kids by teaching them. I agree to not go overboard. I want my boys to explore and experience and sometimes that will result in scrapes and bruises. To me, however, some babyproofing frees the guys. It let's them get into things and explore without mom standing over them all the time.

While the guys were still pretty immobile I spent a weekend while Hubby was out of town doing very minimal proofing in he kitchen. I put most chemicals in the laundry room,others in a high cabinet. I removed all breakables from the lower cabinets and tried out a lock on the silverware drawer. When the husband got home all hell broke loose. He was mad that HIS kitchen was rearranged, he couldn't find anything, etc.

We agreed that I would do no more in the kitchen and essentially would not do anything that would inconvenience Hubby. For a while, I blocked off access to the kitchen with boxes and portions of a play yard. Hubby was always annoyed and the guys got too big for that anyway.  It helped to keep them contained, but they could get through the barricades when they tried.  Meanwhile, we were tripping and such getting into and out of the living room.  Hubby found this situation intolerable.  Now we keep doors closed but the guys have free reign of the living room and kitchen areas. They're learning to walk and often wind up with scrapes and bruises as they explore their environment. Hubby and I try to take this in stride, viewing it as part of growing up. Sometimes, when a guy gets a pretty bad bruise, I worry that Hubby will come home and ask why I wasn't watching, but that never happens.  Every time hubby comes home and there's a new bruise, he comforts me and says it is normal and fine and I'm doing great with the kids.   He says there is nobody else he'd trust with them and that if he didn't think I was doing great that we'd put the kiddos into daycare.

Over the weekend, however, H had pulled out the drawer under the oven and then slipped and banged his head on the corner of it.  He's fine - just a red mark - but he did cry. Hubby went OFF all over me, yelling that the kids are getting hurt all the time and I need to keep the place safer. I said I'd need to buy a gate to block off the kitchen and he said that was preposterous, that we don't need to buy a bunch of crap. I reminded him of the babyproofing I had wanted to do but that he had fought against and won.  I asked what, exactly, he wanted me to do to keep the kids from getting into trouble and that's when he said it.

"Maybe we need to put them in day care. Maybe they'd be better off."

Later he apologized but wow that stings.


  1. It's hard to understand why you're husband is so opposed to making the house safer for you kids. Reality is that we as parents have to make adjustments when we have kids- we can't expect the kids to make the adjustments. As the kids develop it's a continual challenge for us as parents to make adjustments to the environment. You will drive yourself crazy having to watch them like a hawk if you don't babyproof the home.
    I would encourage you to do everything in your power to make that house safe for your kids.
    Is your hubby more bark than bite? If so then maybe you can just tell him that these are the changes that need to happen if you're expected to be at home with the kids all day-if not, then take him up on the daycare offer. He'll back down because he's not gonna want to pay all that money in childcare.
    Praying for you today!

  2. I know. He's got a problem. You've hit the nail on the head. He just doesn't want to make any more adjustments to his life. We moved back to our hometown, he took a job he's not thrilled with, we don't have dinner until ten at night. He's hit his limit on adjustments. He convinces himself its best for the kids, too, though, and there's just no arguing with him.

    You're right about it just being more work for me, too. It's not like I'm just going to let them be in danger, so I spend time steering them away from things.

    Right now, our house is actually pretty darned safe for their level of activity. I replaced our outlet covers and door stops, removed all dangerous items up out of reach, blocked off the areas behind the TV and the sofa with gates. The problem is the NEXT stage, when they can reach higher shelves, climb on countertops, open doors and ovens.

    I did talk hubby into letting me put a kid lock on the cupboard in which we keep the bottles and nipples and sippy cups, etc. I just became too exhausted with rinsing all that off and putting it away again three times a day. We also installed a pan rack to hang the pots and pans from, because the banging noise of the pots was killing me and the guys were starting to knock each other around a bit with them. So, he does come around but it's a struggle all the way and I don't know why.