Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Woman Who Broke My Heart

I don't even remember her name, but a woman broke my heart this week.

First, K broke my heart by finally starting to walk on his own.
Then, he broke my heart again by falling flat on his face on the kitchen tile.  My heart was further split upon the realization that he had broken one of his front teeth in the fall.  You know - the teeth that are fought and cried and screamed for, that are gained only through several sleepless nights, baby orajel, rocking, ice, and more baby Motrin than I'd like to admit.

Those teeth.  That's what broke.  We were lucky, however, that the tooth did not break so badly that it exposed the nerve or anything.  K is not in pain, not sensitive to heat or cold, and is able to eat normally.  Just to be safe, we took him to the dentist.  It was at the dentist's office that I met the woman who would break my heart.

The dentist we found is great!  They have a separate play room for little guys, so we went in there and I unstrapped the guys from their stroller.  They explored the new environment, pulling everything off the shelves (natch) and generally had a good time.  While we were there, a woman showed up with her little boy.  Her boy could have been my guys' long lost triplet (well, not LONG lost, but, you know . . . )  He was their height, was moving around with about the same grace, and making the same types of noises.  His facial features had that 'pixie' quality to them that is so common among preemies, which made him resemble K somewhat.

The mom and I got to talking.  Her boy is a month older than mine.  She asked if my guys were early.  I said they were born at 27 weeks.  She said, "He was born at 27 weeks, too.  And he was a twin."

I felt like I had taken a punch to the gut, the past tense of the verb not lost on me.  He WAS a twin.  Hubby would later ask me how she lost the other one.  I had not asked.  Instead, we discussed what our guys are doing now, when they learned to walk, etc.  She was there for the same reason I was there -- her guy had split his teeth learning to walk.  I'm sure she had come to as much peace as is possible with what happened to her other guy.  We talked a little about what caused our prematurity, and what kinds of devices the kids came home on.  It felt good to have an actual verbal conversation with someone in a similar boat to mine, but I had a difficult time concentrating.  It is all too easy to let myself forget the very real possibility that one or both of my guys might not have made it.
I have been working on a blog about an upcoming surgery that K needs.  It is a real pity-party blog.  In the blog, I do mention that I know how very fortunate we are that the issues my kids have are not very severe, but that knowing that doesn't make it less stressful to hear the doctor tell you your kid needs another surgery.

Now that entire sentiment feels empty.

Needless to say, I just about squeezed the life out of my guys that evening.  They did not appreciate it, but they can suck it up.  As far as I'm concerned, they will never be too big for Mommy Snuggles, and Mommy needed some snuggles.


  1. Hi there! Coming over from multiples and more. I enjoyed reading it. Your boys are precious. I am the mother to B/G twins born at 28 weeks. When you were describing your fears in the NICU it brought back so much memories to me. I had the exact fears. I also conceived mine through IVF. I am your newest follower and look forward to catching up! Take care.

  2. How incredibly sad for that family. I can hardly imagine the pain of having only one baby when there should have been two.

    On another note...sorry about the little guy's tooth. The daughter of a friend of mine knocked a front tooth out when she was only two, then the other when she was three! She looks like a first grader with missing front teeth. She is extremely adorable with her little gap-toothed smile though. : )